As we prepare to celebrate the men in our lives who are fathers or father figures, it seemed only fitting to reintroduce this call for a permanent cessation of hostilities between men and women in western society. Enjoy!
Have you ever noticed, in recent times, how much and how often the males of our species are belittled and degraded?
It has become shocking, even to my sensibilities, the amount and intensity of man-bashing that subtly (or blatantly!) goes on in American society. I dare say that the adult male has been under heavy scrutiny, if not direct assault, on all sides since the mid-90s through media, law, and other existential/societal threats. In the minds and attitudes of many, it’s no longer innately honorable to be a man. According to Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO) in his book, Manhood: the Masculine Virtues America Needs,
"American men are working less, they are getting married in fewer numbers, they're fathering fewer children, they're suffering more anxiety and depression, and they're engaging in more substance abuse."
Now to be fair, gentlemen, we’ve brought a fair portion of this distain on ourselves. From the absentee dad to the jobless, lazy manchild, the actions (or inaction) of some have earned the scorn. It would seem, depending on whom you talk to, that the existence of good guys and faithful fathers, such as those portrayed in “Father Knows Best” (1950s), Uncle Bill & Mr. French of “Family Affair” (1960s), and “The Courtship of Eddie's Father” (1970s), are all but gone. These were the kind of men who worked a 9-5 and then came home to be with their children, took in the children of deceased relatives, and even took custody of their own in the aftermath of divorce. They’ve now been replaced with doofus dads like totally absurd Al Bundy from “Married With Children” (1990s), who sits around lost in the boob tube while fussing with or ignoring his family; inept Ray Barone of “Everybody Loves Raymond” (‘96-‘05) who was never taught to engage with his family, and whose wife regularly calls him “idiot”; and the 36-year run (and counting!) of the ultimate do-nothing, Homer Simpson.
Nancy Pearcey, professor of Apologetics & Philosophy and scholar-in-residence at Houston Baptist University, says the prototype for the traditional male didn’t start with what we saw portrayed in the 1950s. The former agnostic insists that the more accurate representation of the traditional family is found in the PRE-industrial world. At that time, many families, if not most, were entrepreneurial in nature and worked from their homes and farms, much like we were forced to do during the pandemic. According to Pearcey, men were called "house fathers" and were very active in the daily life of their homes and children. Quoting psychiatrist Frank Pittman, Pearcey cautions "We're not going to have a better class of men until we have a better class of fathers."
But in today’s culture, good men have to fight to see their children, or to even have a say in whether or not their unborn child will be carried to term. Even in certain churches, we laud the women on Mother's Day for being good mothers, and scold the men on Father's Day to be better fathers. In academics, guys are being conditioned and/or encouraged to cast off traditional gender roles (now called “cis” gender roles) and embrace their so-called feminine/non-binary traits. If this keeps up, there’ll be no safehaven left for true manliness to be exemplified. “Being male is now the single largest demographic factor for early death,” says Randolph Nesse of the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor.
So what can be done to curb the rising tide of anti-male sentiment in America? That’s a good question. The number one need of a man is to be respected. When a man is given no input on the future of his offspring, he feels marginalized and disrespected. When he’s not given time to gather his thoughts and emotions on his own (a.k.a. retreating to his mancave), a man feels pressured, unsupported and disrespected. Having someone (especially a woman) constantly questioning his competency and/or drive can make a man feel emasculated and disrespected. Over time, that’s verbal “castration” and berating based on gender role expectations.
Instead, take the time to catch the men in your life DOING SOMETHING RIGHT, and verbally applaud their behavior and efforts. In my experience, even when he hasn’t gotten it all together, sincere affirmations make a man want to rise to the standard. In behavioral psychology that’s known as positive reinforcement. In simple terms (because guys are not complex), instead of riding the brother on his missteps or bad choices, encourage him to “keep it up” when you see he’s doing something well or better.
America is all the less because of the absence of men being active in society. Let’s do all we can to turn that tide before it’s too late!
#twiggworks