Single, Saved, and Frustrated!
Part 1
by Judah Early
How does one live a wholesome life as an unmarried, spiritual person, while desiring to be married? How do you deal with the emotional frustrations of singleness?
The word “single” has been defined as a separate, unique, whole, unbroken, undivided individual. Singleness, then, is the state of any man or woman of marriageable age who is not married. There are three reasons for such a status:
Single for a reason - widowed or divorced
Single for a season - not married yet, but will marry some time in the future
Single for a lifetime - adults who will never marry
The difficulty with singleness is the loneliness, and the feeling of being rejected. It can often play with your mind and your self image, telling you you’re not worthy or not good enough. But don’t believe the myths or the negative hype. You’re not 2nd class, and you’re not incomplete.
Now, there may be a number of single people that are content while waitng on their potential significant-other. But the concensus that I hear when I talk to a lot of singles is that “I’m tired of waiting.” “I’m tired of being disappointed.” And I don’t think it’s just that they are single, it’s also how long they’re single. It’s not the weight of being unmarried, it’s the wait while being unmarried. So in this two-part article, I want to address the emotional & psychological dynamics at work, as well as the practical & spiritual situations that need to be managed. God can meet you in that waiting period; or more exactly, you have to allow Him in to that emotional place so that He can help you process any frustration; because frustration is internal.
Frustration for an unmarried person can come from hope being deferred. I’ve been told that the mother of frustration is expectation. When you’re expecting something, and you don’t get it, that causes frustration. Acknowledge your frustration with God. It can feel like a battlefield of emotions. But what if the waiting is not punishment, but rather positioning? It may be that your Creator is not so much preparing somebody for you, but preparing you for somebody. And you want to be led by the Holy Spirit, guiding you to the one who’s right for you. So until that Mr. or Ms. Right comes into your life, you must manage your emotions.
In order to manage your frustration you have to understand the necessity of self-control. You have to have the ability to self-regulate. To benefit from the fruit of the Spirit, you have to walk in the Spirit. The person who walks in the Spirit cannot be easily frustrated. The Word of God tells us the importance of self control in Galatians 5:22 (MSG):
“[God] brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard; things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.”
In the 25th Proverb, verse 28 (ERV), we read: “People who cannot control themselves are like cities without walls to protect them.” Frustration can cause you to be impatient, to lower your standards (and your walls). So take your frustrations to the Lord. “People, always put your trust in God! Tell Him all your problems. God is our place of safety” (Psalm 62:8, ERV). Also, recognize your value. Psalm 139:13-14 (ERV) says “You formed the way I think and feel…I praise You because You made me in such a wonderful way.” Your value is not in your relationship status! Your future spouse won’t complete you, they’ll complement you.
And finally, don’t let desperation create distractions. Proverb 4:23 (NASU) says “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” From your heart comes the appearance of your life. If your heart gets contaminated, your life could be left in disarray. You may let the wrong somebody into your life, creating memories that you wish you could erase! Not that they are bad people, but they just weren’t good for you.
In Part Two of this topic, let’s look at the physical elements of unmarried frustration and how you can contain and regulate them.